He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
MIDGETS
????
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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