i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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