Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize