Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
