I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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