youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
