I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
