end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
