so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize