we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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