Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
