if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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