In the future we'll all be gay
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
