just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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