Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
