i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize