He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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