Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
