You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
