The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
