and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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