Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
