Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
