There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
