having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
