So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
