its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
3pm strippers are depressing
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
