Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
