I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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