i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
