Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
