Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
