She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
