is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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