Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
