worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
