I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
