Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
