you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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