The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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