Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
