I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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