also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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