She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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