You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Porn is love you can see.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
