In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
