You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
