Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
