She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
