you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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