Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
