I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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