You work out of a Hotel?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
