I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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