I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
