I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
