i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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