he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
