you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
