dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you had me at cake vodka
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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