Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
