is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
