whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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