take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
