just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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