I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
