I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
