You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the day after is always just damage control
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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