Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
