After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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