At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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