my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
NoShamevember. You game?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
